Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
