did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
