So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
