She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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