im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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