Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
please don't ironically join a cult
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