you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
