I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
