I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
