Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
