Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Boobs speak an international language.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
