If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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