Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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