I think I died a long time ago.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
