i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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