? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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