I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
