I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
