So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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