How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
