we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
