I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
