I am full of burrito and curiosity
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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