He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
