Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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