Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
