he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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