We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
