My pussy is not your playground.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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