I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
