I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
