a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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