I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
