afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
