dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
