You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
