wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
