In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
