dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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