Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
