Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So vagazzling was a success
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
