I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
