I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
