Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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