i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
