beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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