I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
