Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
