I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
