is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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