Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
